The diaries of a telemarketer Part 1

Caps Lock Rage

Me

I always considered myself as someone extraordinary, but a wile ago I realized I’m just an irritating girl with huge glasses and socially unacceptably large ears.

I have couple of friends. But I can live without them. And so can they.

I go to school with bunch of other people.

My name is Gwen.

My classmates

My classmates are diverse. Some of them are short and some of them are shorter.

What do you expect,.. we are 6^th graders.

We have 2 lefthanders and 3 love triangles in class. We have 29 students and 11 coat hangers on wall. Therefore we have 18 dirty coats daily. No, I’m wrong, 17 that is . There’s this one dude who does not wear coats, he lives across the street. Sometimes he comes with his sleepers on. Awesome dude. I like him.

I’m fond of biting  shit out of my class mates. Especially boys.

I do think though that they are slightly afraid of me.

I don’t mind.

My best friend

My best friend plays football and wears jeans. She likes sneakers and long walks on the beach.

No she does not.

If there’s anyone weirder than me in this town., it’s my best friend.

She is sort of overenthusiastic emo, if that’s even possible.

I mean she fascinates herself with some hideous idea and pursues it with her whole heart and integrity.. for couple of weeks, that is.

One week she’s into church and praying, another week she’s into swearing like a pirate, and the next week she restrains herself from talking because of some “negative energies” .. Whatever they are.

Well yeah. That’s my best friend.

We, my best friend and I have a plan. We will become famous writers. We are writing our bestseller at the moment. Its about a guy who.. amh.. not fair. You wait for the book to come out and read it.

 

The guy I like

The guy I like is awesome.

Well it is true that Most of the time he smells of sweat, but so what. Maybe he’s just not into taking bath sort of things.

Like me he has couple of large and hanging out kind-of ears. His head is almost as flat as my chest and last but not least he has perfectly yellow teeth..

He’s in love with my friend. By a terrible coincidence her name is also Gwen, unlike me her ears are small and pretty. Her drawing skills are certainly better then mine as well.

The guy I like is cool. He makes up awesome jokes and pisses teachers of. Usually they kick him out of class , and some say he even smokes when he’s out.

Like u probably already guessed the guy I like is incredibly handsome.

The girl the guy I like likes

The girl the guy I like likes is incredibly nice for a girl that the guy I like would like.  She is feminine and pretty. Does not bit guys, instead draws awesome pictures on the backs of her notebooks.  She likes fried eggs and pink skirts.

In addition, she is also clever, she often uses clever words, such as: “perception, conclusion, adaptation” and other “ion” words as well.

A lot more guys other than the guy I like also like her.

She slightly irritates me with her perfection but still. She is kinda nice.

 

My teachers

I have 9 teachers . 8 of them women and 2 of them into women. One of them happily divorced and 8 of them disgusted by her improper behavior.

My teachers like to be all bossy and important. They like to be all perfect and flawless. They like to gossip during brakes, they like white and gray shirts and matching hills. Usually they move in packs.

The cleaning lady.

Aint no cleaning lady at my school. We clean after the classes.

My neighbors

My neighbors are very intelligent people. In fact all they do is collect intelligence about each other. The woman from 2^nd floors knows all about the family from the 4^th floor, the husband cheater, son’s marks got worse at school lately, wife started to drink.  The lady from 3^rd floor knows all about the woman from 2^nd floor. Her son is in Italy. Left his wife and 2 children (boy and.. another boy) , currently lives with a divorced hoe with some children of her own.

And finally if it was not enough – I, the 6^th grader from first floor know about all above stated.  Not intentionally though, just cant help it. I happen to have couple of socially unacceptably big, but still perfectly functioning ears.

My male neighbors love dogs and hate cats. They Love drinking, crests with crucified Jesus on their car mirrors and spitting in public.  They like to polish their cars for hours, and they like each other wives.

They absolutely hate to take out the garbage.

They like to talk about women, rising petrol prices and corrupted politicians.

My female neighbors mostly are either teachers or housewives. In both cases they are cooks, cleaners, and sock take-offers when husbands are drunk. Other than that, they are mostly boring.

For fun they like to wear unreasonably fancy clothes on ordinary occasions.

My church

My church is neither small nor big. It has a crest on the roof and beggars in the door.

A small candle costs 15 coins big one 50, and there’s bigger one for 2 paper money, just in case if even the 50 coin candle cannot grant you your wish to God.

Church is the place where I spend my Sundays.

When me moved in new house we changed church as well. Now we go to the one closer to our current home.

Now The first thing you should know about churches is that you absolutely have to make sure you do not piss the old ladies off.

How?

NO CLUE.

I mean I have absolutely no idea what causes their caps lock rage all of the sudden. Sometimes they don’t like the clothes you wear, or the way you’re looking around or god spare you if you accidently snooze or worse, stand on their spot.

For those who have not been to church, let me explain that the qualified folks there have their owns spots where they like to stand, they also have insider jokes and strict rules. What’s even more surprising, they also like to bully the new comers out just like the cool guys bully the new guys at school. “she is dressed to provokingly” ,“she does not belong here” “he was seen with that hoe in town and now he has nerve to come here?”, “her children don’t look like her husband, I want her gone” “we are a family here, we don’t need all kind of garbage come in our church!” .

In our church there are surprisingly many girls. They like to stand near chanters corner and giggle. “OMG he is looking right at me.. hey hey hey stop looking at him, he’s gonna know!” “I’m NOT! I’m looking at that guy next to him.. the one with blond hair, I mean listen to him, his voice is so sweet!”

Poor chanters. Hard to concrete. Like really hard.

So, my church is not quite as boring as my chemistry lessons. You can learn a lot of useful things here.

….Unlike ..my chemistry lessons.

My future

I’m gonna grow up tall and pretty. I will learn how to dance tango argentine and cook something other that fried eggs.

I’m gonna be able to French kiss  and read more than 250 words a minute.

I’m gonna befriend 15 more people. Later on I’m gonna decide I cant trust 14 of them.

I will marry a guy with green eyes and black hair (possibly wearing red sneakers).

I’m gonna become an actress, then quit to become an archeologist, then quit to become journalist than quit to become a businesswoman, than quit because I’ve become billionaire and then quit because regretfully I‘ve become deceased.

The end

The end is a common way of ending things. You write the end and.. well frankly and there is “the end” written exactly where you wrote it. That’s it. Sooo..

Anyhow..

 

THE END